Ironic Advent Meditation #1:
The Full Cry of Advent
(Waiting for Noel)
Advent
is waiting, but it means coming or appearance.
Advent
is the time of waiting for the appearance or the coming.
Waiting
is not static. I know this now, though I theorized it before.
Noel
taught me to wait.
The
Church season of Advent is a closed system,
helpful
as a sign,
but
not equal to the actual experience of waiting for the coming or the appearance.
I
know this now, though I thought differently before.
Real
Advent is open to reality.
Hopeful,
hazardous, ironic, surprising, disappointing, sometimes agnostic, a risk.
How
long? How long? How long? How long? How long? How long? How g* f* long?
The
cry of Advent (and real Advent means much crying),
the
moan of those who wait—longing, expecting, doubting, anxious, focused,
desperate.
Uttered
while gathered, holding hands if possible, around the dying body.
Of
a brother who was once a lovely laughing child,
of
a people who once knew the presence and the call,
of
a church once barefoot, humble, poor, and glorious.
But
what kind of utterance?
A
moan, a cry, a wail, of course. But also, and always, an address.
How
long, O Lord? How long, O LORD?
A
desperate gasp? Certainly. An accusation? Probably?
But
the full cry of Advent,
open
to all who came by way of the womb and ever named their need for milk,
the
ground of the wild wager, the paradoxical final stage, perhaps, of ascending
from the slime.
How
long, O Lord?
The full cry of Advent.
Not
the “why” of the suffering individual seeking justice and justification,
who
knows, before even stating the case, that the only acceptable verdict is “it’s
not your fault.”
But
the absurd hope, figured from our bed of suffering, our season of darkness, our
absolute loneliness and desolation,
That
love, and goodness, and kindness, and care—
the
words we’ve used for years to make our meanings and find our ways through
wilderness,
may point to something more than poetry.
may point to something more than poetry.
Brother
Henry, a chaplain, wanders ICU looking for someone who might still want such unfashionable
help.
Missy
goes out and grabs him and says he’s welcome with us.
He
reads Psalm 23 so that you wanted to believe it.
He prays for Noel, and then for us.
He prays for Noel, and then for us.
We
try to wake Noel up so Henry can actually get to meet him.
We call, “Noel, Noel. Noel, Noel."
We call, “Noel, Noel. Noel, Noel."
Henry
stands in the entrance to the “room,” and says, “let me try it this way.”
He sings, beautifully--“Holy, holy, holy,
is the Lord.”
I don’t know the song.
I’m not sure of the message either.
I don’t know the song.
I’m not sure of the message either.
Noel doesn’t wake. We say goodbye to
Henry.
Again, we begin to stroke and kiss and whisper to our dying brother.
And wait.
Thank you for sharing this very personal piece. I especially love:...But the absurd hope, figured from our bed of suffering, our season of darkness...
ReplyDeleteI've gone on a crying jag.
thanks Lisa.
ReplyDeleteNever connected the idea of Advent with the cry of How long O Lord? Something so obvious and I missed it.
ReplyDelete"Real Advent is open to reality."
ReplyDeleteAmen. I shared this with one of my pastors via Facebook.
I cried.
ReplyDeleteI love you Joe
ReplyDelete